No day but today

As I write this, the wind chill outside is 5 degrees. The high tomorrow is 26. There are icicles in the subway and winds that take your breath away. I have a very puffy coat with a very fluffy hood to go with very warm, furry boots, but it is still almost intolerable to be outside.

I am anxious for the spring. But in the spring, I will be ready for summer. And then come summer, as I'm melting in the subway with heat indices well over 100, I will wish it was winter again.

Why is it that we're never happy with where we are at the moment? Why are we always looking back or looking ahead when we should be looking today square in the face? And why do we always romanticize days gone by while focusing on the things that are lacking today?

The Israelites, after being Egyptian slaves for hundreds of years, somehow managed to long for the days of their captivity once they had been set free. It sounds absurd, but don't we all do the same thing in our own way? When I was in middle school, I desperately wanted to be in high school...to drive, to date, to have a letter jacket. All through high school, I couldn't wait to be a senior. But my senior year, I couldn't wait to go to college. Freshman year flew by as I waited for that next thing...for the next visit to see my long-distance boyfriend, for the next final to be over, for Fall Break, then Spring Break, then summer. College flew by, and by my senior year, I was ready for the "real world." Then the real world came, chock full of 50-hour work weeks and vacation-less summers, and I suddenly missed the days of college. But I couldn't go back, so I set my sights ahead for the Big Apple. And even now, as much as I love my life and feel immensely blessed every day, I still find myself looking back to the "good ole days" of living in Atlanta or being in college...or looking ahead to the next phase - the next promotion, the next apartment, the next relationship, the next move.

But then I had a thought. Someday...maybe in a year, maybe in fifty, who knows...but someday, I will look back to right now, to Feb 6, 2007. I'll look back to the days when I lived in the shoebox apartment and worked at an agency and was young and single in New York City, and I'll long for these days, for today. A year ago, I longed for today. And in a few years, I'll probably long for today again. Suddenly, today - a freezing February day in 2007 - seems a lot more valuable than I usually allow myself to recognize.

I wish I could say that tomorrow I'll embrace the freezing tempatures with a smile, knowing that in July I'll long for the cold, brisk air of winter. Or embrace my tiny apartment, knowing that a year ago I would have moved into a cardboard box as long as it was in New York City. Or embrace being single, knowing that I have opportunities and flexibilities today that I will not have when I am married. There's no guarantee I'll succeed with my newfound "carpe diem!" attitude, but I know I want to try. Because somewhere, sometime, somehow, today will be just a fantastic memory...and that's enough to make today fantastic in and of itself.

"Wherever you are, be all there." - Jim Elliot