The OC

The OC
[thee oh see]
noun (pl "OC's")

1. Abbrev. for Orange County, California. The second most populous county in the state of California, and the fifth most populous in the United States. Known for its wealth and political conservatism. (source: Wikipedia)
2. A one-hour teen drama on FOX documenting the lives of Ryan Atwood, Summer Roberts, and the ever-charming, ever-geeky Seth Cohen (RIP Marissa Cooper). Although full of intriguing drama, sex, violence, murder, greed, romance and humor, FOX's "The OC" has been cancelled as of 2007, although it will live on in our hearts forever.

3. The Office Crush.

I Wikipedia'ed and Dictionary.com'ed "The Office Crush" and found nada, so I will have to provide you with an extended definition of my own.

The OC (refer to definition 3 from this point forward) is a necessity for any single guy or girl who, like myself, spends the majority of his or her time at the office. I did some quick calculations and determined that in an average 168-hour week, I spend 60 hours sleeping, 50 hours working, 7 hours getting ready, 6 hours on the subway or bus, 5 hours at the gym, and 2 hours in line at Duane Reade because the girl behind the counter would rather stare into oblivion than ring up my can of soup. Simple math leaves me 38 hours in any given week to be out and about in Manhattan, living my fabulous life and meeting fabulous gay straight men. Simple math also enlightens me to the fact that I spend 32% more time at work than I do gallivanting around town in pursuit of non-office crushes. That is, assuming I am not going to meet the man of my dreams on the M15 bus, on the elliptical machine at Boom Fitness, or in my local drug store. Although stranger things have happened, I suppose.

But I digress. Due to the fact that the majority of my life and the lives of my coworker friends takes place in the walls of One Dag Hammarskjold Plaza, we have determined that the OC is an absolute necessity. After all, who wants to spend 50 hours a week with no one to look forward to running into at the copy machine or on the elevator? It's basically an evolvement of a high school crush (HSC?) where you hope to run into the boy of your dreams at your locker or in the science lab or in the gym before practice. And please tell me - who of you went through even half of a second without some sort of crush? See? Exactly.

The OC is what gets you through the day. Never mind the fact that you love your challenging, interesting and all-around wonderful job (which I do). The need for the OC is completely unrelated and all together irrelevant to the satisfaction you find in your actual day-to-day work. The OC is instead that extra little :) . The OC makes Monday mornings tolerable, late nights working enjoyable, the company holiday party something you genuinely look forward to, and the wait for the elevator suspenseful and perhaps even exhilarating.

Everyone needs an OC. Jim has Pam, Angela has Dwight, Kelly has Ryan, Michael has Jan...and Ryan. All my friends at work have an OC, or are at least working on finding one who is not married or in an inappropriate age bracket. This brings me to an important point...the rules of the OC. And there are several important ones:
1. STAY AWAY from immediate supervisors or subordinates, coworkers who are married or engaged, and interns.
2. Be selective who you discuss your OC with. Folks in the office can be chatty, and the last thing you want is for the rumor mill to get churning and the receptionist to give you knowing glances every time you walk by her desk.
3. E-mail wisely. OC's may come and go, but a paper trail lives forever.

But I digress again. In sum, my charge to you is this - go find an office crush! You don't have to marry him or her, you don't have to know their biggest fears and life-long dreams, and you probably don't even need to know their last name (although it would probably help). You just need to know what department they're in, where their cubicle is, and around what time they get their coffee every morning.

Happy OCing!


Jim: To tell you the truth, I used to have a thing for Pam, so...
Michael Scott: Really? You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would have never put you two together. Did you really...you really hid it well...I usually have a radar for stuff like that.
[pause]
Michael Scott: You know, I made out with Jan.
Jim: Yeah...I know.