"It's probably the one time on television where spandex is acceptable."

Week #3 of Project Runway...the show where, if you don't hear "Make it work", "You're either in, or you're out", "Carry on", and "Auf wiedersehen" a combination of at least fifty times, you are clearly tuned into the wrong channel.

The show begins with Jack the Hottie getting ready...and man, is he hot. He discusses that he is HIV Positive, but that he has never been healthier. The camera then goes to the rest of the guys who are lounging around the apartment discussing Marion's departure. Chris (I think) says, "Why couldn't they have just gotten rid of Christian? Nobody would have cried." Everyone in the apartment begins cracking up, which signals to me that they all agree. I think Christian is a little drama queen diva, but who really knows. Christian says his confidence is down, but he still knows that he makes? clothes? so much better? than the other designers?

Time for the new challenge. Heidi tells the contestants that they will not be needing their models for this one. Interesting. The contestants go to Rockefeller Plaza to meet Tim, and immediately ushered to meet...Tiki Barber!! Again, Project Runway is razzle dazzling me with the caliber of celebrity this season, although I'm not sure it counts as much when an NBC-owned cable network gets an NBC correspondent to be on one of their shows. Regardless, Kevin, the sole straight guy, is excited, because Tiki is one of the best running backs that the Giants have ever had. Everyone else, though, is thinking, "Hey, it's that hot guy from the Today Show." Ricky immediately confirms this by saying, "None of us really know who he is, but wow, he's gorgeous!" while Steven #16 says that he knows nothing about football except for the fact that "it's probably the one time on television where spandex is acceptable." And...I rest my case.

The challenge is to design something for Tiki to wear on the Today Show. Everyone groans as they think, "Hello, Tim Gunn! We did not sign up to create menswear." Tiki says that the challenge will be difficult because he has a big neck, skinny waist and a big butt. LOL. I love Tiki Barber.

Now let us pause for a moment. In a normally inconsequential transition clip, Jack is seen carrying Christian into Parsons in a handbag. What on earth?! I rewound this part four times...I still can't figure out what was going on. Perhaps Christian's shoes were hurting his feet, or he lost a dare on whether or not he could fit in Jack's bag? Either way, that little snippet cannot go undiscussed.

But I digress. Tim gives the designers 30 minutes to sketch and a budget. Tim says, "Make it work," and Sweet P gets bleeped out. Ha. The designers sit with their pencils looking like they have been given a test in Spanish in French 201. None of them have much menswear experience, although Straight Kevin seems pretty confident. The designers go shopping at the warehouse. Chris asks about hot pants. For some reason, I don't see Tiki as a hot pants kinda guy, but maybe I don't know him as well as I think.

The designers are back at Parsons, and most of them seem to be going for some type of suit. I don't know much about sewing, but apparently suits are really hard to make. Carmen grills Jack the Hottie on how to make menswear. He doesn't know much, but he is a man wearing men's clothes. He proceeds to take off his shorts, make a toga-like wrap out of fabric, and use his pants as a pattern. Carmen and Victorya then use this pattern. This creates a little stir among the contestants as to what the exact rules are...hmm this could get interesting. As expected, the evening wraps up quickly and no one seems to think they are in a good place.

Next day, back at Parsons. The designers are stressin'. Chris is worried because he's had no formal training, and tells a charming little story about learning to sew in 4th grade. He also says he likes making pants because they're like two big sleeves sewn together. Makes sense to me, Chris! Rami tries his pants on and makes a little passive aggressive comment about the fact that he did not make them out of a pattern...again, I don't have a good feeling about the pattern-sharers' fate. Tim comes in and announces that they're sending in the models early for fitting, and let me just say....hello, gorgeous. Rami pretty much sums it up: "The models are good-looking, so the girls are excited...So are some of the guys, of course." Yep. Elisa isn't comfortable fitting her model, so she goes and hides in the corner while he changes. Ricky and Sweet P panic a little more.

A few hours later, Tim comes back and asks the designers to gather round. Here it is - he's going to bust Hot Jack for using his shorts as a pattern. But no, clearly I am just paranoid...it's Ginny Barber, Tiki's wife, who is going to critique the designers' work instead of Tim. Jack gets good marks. Ricky is panicked, and Tim is concerned that he can't make it work. Kevin made a jacket with a flap for Tiki's butt. Haha. Ginny tells Carmen that her jacket looks like a Members Only jacket, and Tim recommends that she start over. Uh oh. Ricky is still panicking and cursing like a sailor. He and Carmen start taunting each other and singing in falsetto, "Don't go home too soon!"

Elimination day. Elisa is doing yoga in the corner. Kit Pistol is putting make-up on Sweet P. The chalkboard reads, "Lord help us!" See, everyone turns to Jesus in a time of need. Now, let us pause again as we watch Jack carry Christian into Parsons on piggy back. I am seriously starting to wonder if Christian has a sprained ankle or artificial limb. He could also very well be in love with Hot Jack, although I'm pretty sure that if I know Jack like I think I do, he would never go for a punk like Christian. But again, I digress. The designers scurry around in a frenzy. The models come back, and man, they are still smokin' hot stone cold foxes. They start trying on clothes. Ricky puts his model to work sewing buttons...never a good sign. Sweet P's is a disaster, but then again, there appear to be a lot of disasters goin' on. The models head to hair and makeup, which looks like it takes just as long as it does with the women. Not sure how that happens. Carmen runs out of time to make a shirt and just gives her model a shawl. That can't be good. Christian says the challenge will be hard to judge because there are so many things that are "jacked up." I must admit - so far I agree.

Runway time. Now, before we begin, I'm going to go out on a limb based on what I've seen in the sewing room and predict that Carmen, Ricky, and Sweet P will be the bottom three.

Jillian - Black 3-pc suit with white and black floral shirt. Not bad, but doesn't look like Tiki to me.
Carmen - Total disaster. Brown pants don't fit right, jacket looks retro, and he's wearing a baby blue pashmina instead of a shirt. Bad, bad, bad.
Christian - Asymmetrical funky outfit. Also doesn't look like Tiki. And I hate anything that's not symmetrical. Like Christian's hair, for example.
Kit Pistol - Looks like something my guy friends would wear - white patterned shirt, khakis and a navy blazer. Maybe a little boring?
Rami - Casual outfit...navy pants and a khaki zippered jacket. Nice, but I'm not sure I can imagine Tiki wearing it on the Today Show.
Sweet P - Ack! Giving Carmen a run for her money. Blue button shirt, grey pants, and a striped tie. The collar of the shirt, though, looks like it's attached with scotch tape, and the tie is around his neck, not under the collar. Sweet P says it's the worst thing she's ever made and it looks like it was made by a kindergartner, and I agree.
Steven - A very tight sweater-shirt with a silky scarf around the neck. Nice...but real tight. And I'm not sure ex-Giants players wear silky scarves around their necks.
Victorya - Black shirt and pants, white jacket. I don't love it, but it's so not the worst thing we've seen.
Kevin - Black pinstripe pants and vest with a lavender shirt. So far, I think this one is the best and looks the most like Tiki.
Chris - All black outfit. I think his model was ready to enter the Matrix.
Jack - Striped button down, pinstripe pants. Not very creative, but the pieces actually look like real men's clothes. He'll make the top three.
Ricky - Black suit, white shirt. Looks poorly made and is boring.
Elisa - Green long-sleeved t-shirt and little brown velvet vest. He looks like he is going to a village in the forest. Or auditioning for Peter Pan.

Yikes, that was rough. Top/bottom six - Carmen, Jack, Kit Pistol, Ricky, Kevin, Sweet P. You already know which ones I think are in the bottom three. Right now I think Kevin will win and Carmen will go home...but, as Christian said, it's tough because it's all so jacked up. Tiki loves Kit Pistol's outfit, which I now realize has a navy blazer made of fleece. That's a nice little something extra, so good for Kit Pistol. Sweet P gets dragged through the mud, but has a smile on her face the whole time. The judges like Jack's outfit because it's perfectly made. Tiki tells Ricky he would look like a fool if he wore his outfit on the Today Show. Ouch. Nina tells him it's not only poorly made, it's also boring. Kevin's outfit gets mixed reactions...Tiki says he would wear it with a different shirt, but Heidi says there ain't no way Seal is walking around in an outfit like this. And Carmen. Tiki says the jacket is too short and would make his butt look big. The designers crucify her for not making time to make a shirt.

Deliberation time. I may be cheating, but I'm changing my vote. Kit Pistol wins...the fleece changed my mind. Carmen is still out.

Results. Jack wins. Darn it, I've been doing so well in my predictions! I like Jack the Uber-Hottie, though. Carmen, as expected, gets the boot. Guess SJP won't have to be remembering Carmen like the opera, Webber like the baller after all.

Auf wiedersehen!

Best.first.dance.ever.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably seen this clip by now. In case you haven't, though, enjoy!

Don't mind me...

I am always fascinated by the random things in life that provide insight into the depths of one’s personality. No, I’m not talking about the “About Me” section of the Facebook profile…way too obvious. I am instead mesmerized by the other things that you haphazardly stumble upon, the things that people don’t meticulously craft but instead just allow to come into being. Bookshelves, closets, iPods…they are all essentially open windows to the soul.

I am always most interested, though, in what people have in their refrigerator. Hey, don’t judge me…I know you’ve snuck a glance or two at someone’s fridge shelf, too. I think perhaps I am so interested in people’s refrigerators’ goods because I can imagine what you would think of me if you opened mine. Right now, for example, I think my side of the fridge contains reduced-fat Laughing Cow cheese, string cheese, hummus and expired milk. (What can I say, I like dairy products? And apparently nothing else.)

For this reason, if I come to your house, don't mind me if/when I casually open your fridge during the obligatory first-time visitor tour. I’m just trying to get to know you better and to determine if, by some strange twist of fate, you have chosen cheese and bacteria-infested milk to be the only things in your fridge, too. Just think of the insights that can be learned…

• Well-stocked – this person either cooks a lot, eats a lot, or has a crush on the butcher.
• Empty – this person likes to eat out a lot. Or has an eating disorder. I prefer the former.
• Crisper drawer full of fruits and vegetables – this person is healthy.
• Crisper drawer has a pie in it – this person is not healthy, but helloooo, they like pie. Hopefully it’s covered in foil, which means you can deduce that they are a good baker, which is an invaluable asset in my book.
• Crisper drawer has wilted lettuce in it – this person is disorganized and forgot they put the lettuce in the crisper drawer. In fact, they haven’t thought of it since they got home from Food Emporium.
• Milk – a) skim, 2%, or whole? If it’s whole, though, chances are they grew up on a farm in the Midwest. b) Expired or not-expired? This one can go either way, because milk expires so darn fast. c) Gallon or half-gallon? This tells you how much cereal a person eats. d) No milk at all? They probably travel all week and can’t drink the milk fast enough to make it worth buying in the first place.
• Drinks – let’s just say…you can tell a lot about a person by the volume and combination of Coke, orange juice, sweet tea, bottled water, and beer that a person has.
• Clean – this person is clean.
• Molding – say your prayers now that you never have to shower at this apartment.
• Lipstick – Glamour magazine subscriber.
• Other – including but not limited to cell phones, irons, and hair appliances. This person has a) lost their mind, b) run out of storage room in their bathroom cabinet, which is quite the viable option in New York City, or c) is trying to cool the hair straightener before packing it, as was the case last week when I found my roommate’s Chi next to the hummus.

See what you can learn?! Midwestern party boy, or butcher-enamored pie-baker? Anorexic slob, or healthy, yet slightly crazy Southerner? When peering into the refrigerated window to the soul that stands running loudly in the kitchen, the possibilities are endless.

Happy hunting!

Give thanks

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good..."
Psalm 107:1

Only in Anywhere-but-New-York #1

"Y'all are fancy."

- The 16-year old guy working the cash register at the local McDonald's to me, my mom and and my grandparents. As a point of reference, I was wearing a green turtleneck sweater, jeans and brown boots.

I also got a free apple pie. I assume that's what happens when you dress fancy for McDonald's.

"Carmen like the opera, Webber like the baller."

Hello again and welcome to week #2 of Jamie's "Project Runway" review, where you're either in, or you're out.

The show promptly begins with the announcement that the the contestants will be picking picking new models. Heidi announces, "Models, this is a competition for you, too." I never get this part. Rami stays with winning model Ashley. The rest of them pick out of a hat. Officer Ricky takes Elisa's model. Aww snap. Everyone else chooses, leaving poor Katie and Wendy as the last two models. Sweet P picks Katie. Wendy the model is not chosen by anyone, which means she's out. See ya!

The designers are then given their new challenge - designing an outfit for a "fashion and pop culture icon." Intriguing! Who's it gonna be?! I'm guessing Bjork, immortalized by wearing a swan dress to the Oscars. The contestants casually guess Madonna and Britney. Seriously?! This is Bravo, not the VMA's. Tim walks in and suspensefully introduces (dun, dun, dun)...Sarah Jessica Parker!! I must say, I am impressed...little miss Carrie Bradshaw is as A List as they come. Chris starts crying and says he moved to New York City because he watched episodes of Sex and the City. Sometimes I'm scared by how many people that's true of.

SJP gives the challenge - to create a 2-piece look for SJP's Bitten collection. The idea is to create "high end, affordable American sportswear" because SJP believes that "fashion shouldn't be a luxury, and quality shouldn't be a privilege." Yeah, I've always thought SJP exudes a vibe of affordability with her 5,000 pairs of Manolo Blahniks and Christian Louboutins. Thus, the kicker is that the contestants' outfits should retail for $40, which means their budgets are $15 apiece. Yikes! Everyone will pitch ideas to SJP, she'll choose seven finalists, and the remaining seven will get paired with the winners. I smell drama...teamwork rarely flies on Project Runway. Posh Christian wants to do a "reeeeally creative" jacket. Get excited. On this show, "reeeeally creative" = "reeeeally ugly." Officer Ricky cries because he wants to do well, and then proceeds to cry throughout the rest of the episode.

Everyone pitches their ideas to SJP. Chris gets emotional (he's probably thinking about that episode where Big moves away from New York and leaves the record for Carrie...*sob* I'm crying right now!). Creepy Elisa designs some crazy hood outfit. Sweet P designs a skirt. Kevin leaves SJP hanging without shaking her hand...LOL. Jillian designs something "complicated." Carmen goes for shameless self-promotion so SJP will remember her name for all of time - "Carmen like the opera, Webber like the baller." Hahahaha. Something tells me SJP will not, in fact, remember her. Or she'll call her Aida.

SJP announces her top seven: Elisa - "ambitious." Kit - "youthful." Victorya. Marion - "sophisticated." Ricky - "sexy." Christian - "sexy." Rami - "thoughtful." The final announcement is that the winner's design will be sold in the Bitten line at Steve & Barry's. Finally, Tim reminds SJP about the line that she is bizarrely excited to say - "see you on the runway!"

Now the interesting part...time to pick the teams. My oh my...it's like the fourth grade playground all over again. Tim randomly draws from the winners. Marion chooses Steve #16 because he's "low key." Officer Ricky chooses Jack the Hottie, presumably they're gay and Jack is so flippin' hot. Victorya chooses Kevin. Kit Pistol chooses Chris (presumably because of his love for Sex and the City). Rami/Mr. Clean chooses Jillian, with an attitude that clearly says, "there's no one good left." Posh Christian chooses Carmen-like-the-opera. Finally, sadly, Creepy Elisa chooses Sweet P to be the last member of the metaphorical kickball team. Sweet P is definitely not excited about working with Elisa, although Elisa says, "I wanted Sweet P from the very beginning." Congrats, Sweet P - the unicorn princess wanted you all along.

The designers go to the warehouse o' fabric and buttons then return to Parsons. They have 'til midnight, and let me just say, I'm stressed out just from watching. Steve begins to worry that Marion's design is too intricate (foreshadowing #1: they'll have trouble finishing?). Creepy Elisa talks about "juxtaposition" and "aesthetics" and then brings up her "spit marks." Spit wha?! Creepy Elisa says she spits on her fabric as a marker...to "imbibe" it with her "essence." Sweet P says she's on Planet Earth, but Elisa is on some happy planet. Meanwhile, Officer Ricky keeps crying.

Tim comes to check in on everyone. He thinks Marion and Steve #16's design is too elaborate (foreshadowing #2 - they'll have trouble finishing). Posh Christian, paired with Carmen-like-the-opera, says "I think it's perfect" when Tim suggests that their design is too retro. Once again, Posh - Tim freakin' Gunn. Victorya and Kevin's gets good marks from Tim. Finally, Tim tells Elisa that she's "cuckoo" for trying to hand-stitch everything. She seems kind of upset about this...like it makes her a sell-out. I'm sure fairies would sew with sewing machines if they had them, Elisa, so get with the program. Tim leaves, and the designers' time quickly wraps up. Marion mentions that getting eliminated from the competition would not be good for him because he "really wants to win this." As opposed to the other contestants who are just hoping to make it a few weeks in and then fail.

Elimination day. At the apartment, the girls are talking smack about Creepy Elisa because she doesn't know how to use a sewing machine. The designers all go to Parson's. A countdown clock flashes one hour to the show and once again, I am very stressed for everyone involved. Posh and Carmen-like-the-opera finish early, no sweat. I may be wrong, but I don't think this is ever a good sign. Sweet P is trying to make Elisa's design work, per Tim's advice. Tim comes in and tells them to know SJP's socks - "or stockings" off. Cute, Timmy.

Time to dress the models. Posh and his model have a 12-year old girl moment squealing about the fact that they are designing for Bitten. Officer Ricky and Jack the Hottie decide to add a belt. Kit Pistol and Chris's design somehow winds up looking French, so they give her a beret. Oui, oui. Marion's design isn't quite fitting right, and Steven #16 confides to the camera that it's getting "really kinda ugly." Uh oh. Sweet P says that she thinks she and Elisa have a chance to win despite the fact that they are from different planets. Posh thinks he will be in the final two but will not be surprised if he doesn't win because they decide to go with someone "boooring." Right at the end, I think Marion's model walks out with pins and a needle on the hem. Oh my, I am nervous for them. SJP will not be pleased with pins and needles in the hem.

Runway time. I'm excited. Heidi says, SJP "may" sell the winning item in her Bitten line. I think Tim spread the word that there are some wacky tacky things going on backstage.

Kit Pistol/Chris: Black top. Brown leggings. Beret. Boring.
Elisa/Sweet P: Teal dress and drape-y shawl cape thing. Surprisingly nice.
Mr. Clean/Jillian: Brown shirt dress. Fine.
Marion/Steve #16: Looks like Pocahontas.
Victorya/Kevin: Blue grey drape-y dress with little plaid vest. Cute.
Posh/Carmen: Teal turtleneck dress with a black jacket...looks like an 80's space outfit.
Ricky/Jack the Hottie: Raspberry dress with belt. I like it.

Heidi announces the final top and bottom teams - Elisa and Sweet P, Victorya and Kevin, Marion and Steve, and Christian and Carmen. My expert vote - Elisa and Victorya are tops, Marion and Christian are bottoms. I think Victorya wins, Marion's gone.

Interview and deliberation time. Michael Kors says that Marion and Steve's dress looks like Pocahontas. Hey, that's what I said!!!! Heidi doesn't like it either...she says it looks like a dirty rag from a basement. Ouch. Elisa says her dress is "polymorphic." Sweet P says what all of America is thinking - she doesn't know what polymorphic means. Creepy Elisa tells everyone that she spits on her fabric. Everyone thinks she's crazy and laughs at her. Heidi asks her what planet she's from. That seems to be the million dollar question around the runway. The judges think Christian and Carmen's design is too 80's. Shoulda listened to Tim Gunn, buddy. Christian boastfully says, "I just want to hear what Sarah Jessica has to say." Unfortunately for Posh, though, SJP doesn't like it either. Finally, the judges ask Carmen-like-the-opera who should go between her and Christian, at which point she flips out and starts crying. Really?! Christian, however, says whatev, no big deal, it was my design so it would be me. Same question to Marion and Steve, and Marion also takes responsibility.

Finally, the winner is announced - Victorya. SJP says it's "lovely" (a subtle plug for her perfume?) and that it will be in the fall/winter Bitten collection. Way cool - a Project Runway design I can afford! Anyone want to take a trip to Manhattan Mall? Last but not least, the loser - either Marion or Christian. Hmm...80's space flight attendant vs Pocahontas. My bet's still with Pocahontas going. Heidi announces that yes, Christian is safe, and Marion is out. I'm two for two!

Auf wiedersehen!

"I'd rather buy clothes than buy a bed."

I am a huge fan of online TV recaps. This fact should come as no surprise considering the TV junkie and blogger than I am. Television Without Pity, TVGasm, The Bachelor Recaps, Grey's Writers...I love them all.

I recently tried to apply to be a blogger on Television Without Pity. "Surely," I thought, "if they knew how much I love TV and how hilariously funny I am, they would hire me instantly. Maybe I'll just write a little something for them..." I was snapped back to reality, though, when I read the following under the FAQ section of the site:

Q: I want to be a recapper. How can I make that happen?

A: We are more than fully staffed at the moment and don't anticipate hiring anyone new until one of our current writers quits or dies. It's nothing personal, and we're sure you're really funny and talented, but the fact is that we are staffed up the wazoo, and what with all the shows that get cancelled and leave their recappers stranded and Wing Chun and Sars to assign them to new shows, it's quite possible that we may not hire anyone new ever again.
"Well, I'll just email them anyway." Okay...but you really shouldn't bother. At the risk of appearing rude, we really have to tell you, your chances are literally nil at this point. We do appreciate your enthusiasm, but we aren't hiring. At all.

And that was the end of my Television Without Pity career.

Ever resilient, I moved on to plan B - turning my own blog here into a personal TV recap site. Since my writing career is yet to pay my bills, though, I have to start small...and how better to do it than with the return of one of my favorite reality shows, Project Runway, which premiered tonight at 10p on Bravo.

So, without further adieu, let the recaps begin!

The show wastes no time in getting right to our contestants...

Rami. Born in Jerusalem, lives in LA. He worked with Jessica Alba, and she wore his dress to VMAs. That's big time. Rami is bald, tough. Kind of like Mr. Clean.

Chris. Wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Do fashion designers wear Hawaiian shirts? Chris designs costumes..."larger than life" costumes. He mentions making costumes out of salad ingredients, a fact that is quickly confirmed by a picture of a woman with an enormous bowl upside down on her head.

Christian. Punk rock 21-year old kid with his own version of Posh Spice hair - you know, like the left side of his head went through a blender. Leather vest, chains and plastic rimmed glasses. Accepted to University in London where he worked with "HUGE, AMAZING" designers. Everything he says sounds like a question - such as, "I'm kinda fierce...?" He must think he's on Tyra's model show. Complains about the beds, at first making us think he's high maintenance...until he announces that he normally sleeps on the floor because he would "rather buy clothes than buy a bed."

Carmen "A" Webber. Used to be a model...sees this as a huge asset. Maybe Heidi will agree. Carmen A has kind of a peacock, stuck-my-finger in an outlet hair-do going on. Arrives wearing a red shirt that must have gotten caught in a lawn mower. Presumably with the other half of Christian's hair.

Jillian. Arrives wearing "hot coolots" according to Carmen A. She's an illustrator and designer for Ralph Lauren. She's weird...kind of spacey. Ends cut by saying "And I am not (twists mouth in weird way)...going (smile)...home (serious game face on)..." Concludes her piece by saying she's unpacking her stuff in the bathroom so "those girls" don't take up her space. I'm guessing Bravo sprung for enough bathroom space for all of the contestants, including "those girls," but perhaps they did not.

Kit "Pistol." States, "Kit 'Pistol' is kind of like my Mark Twain. It's an alias." Oh really? I thought it was your real name. Kind of like your Samuel Clemens. She claims that her ultimate goal in fashion is to have her own line. Really?! I didn't know that that was anyone on Project Runway's goal!

Kevin. Just designed a jeans collection that was on the cover of Victoria's Secret. The camera zooms in on the butt of the jeans for an awkward amount of time. Kevin makes a comment about there being more straight designers out there now than there was back in the day and makes a joke about being "such a tough guy." I'm still confused as to whether he is straight or gay.

Jack. Total HOTTIE, so of course, he's gay. I don't remember anything else because I was drooling over his hotness and tight blue printed t-shirt.

Steve. Walks into the apartment wearing sunglasses like he's hiding from the paparazzi and a pink button down. Steve looks too preppy to be a Project Runway winning designer...Um, Jeffrey beat Laura last season, remember?! Clip shows him doing art (including playing an organ and sketching) in a black and white striped shirt...he looks like a gondolier, so perhaps he's not as preppy as we thought. Steve auditioned last year and was "like number 16 out of 15" (as he does air quotes and rolls his eyes).

Simone. Has "an honest vision that comes from the heart, and a vision that [she believes] in." What? This is fashion, not Habitat for Humanity. She "connects" with Bryant Park. Lovely.

Elisa. Walks in carrying sunflowers (what?!). Elisa is an "accidental fashion designer." She actually makes marionettes that are between 3 inches and 30 feet high. CREEPY. She got involved in fashion when she started making costumes for the marionette performances. Elisa has been practicing doing her yoga in a small space, and she seems very excited to see that there is indeed a small space by the window that will fit. Never mind the enormous den.

Marion. Owns a flower shop in Dallas and designs clothes out of his flowers. Huh?! He says he hopes Project Runway will be the catalyst to get him back into fashion more than what he's doing now. I assume this means he wants to start making clothes out of fabric instead of leaves.

Ricky. A lingerie designer. I think he's wearing a police hat. Is that in style? Ricky originally moved to New York to be a dancer. "One thing led to another," and he ended up in fashion. Ricky cries on the package...I can smell it now, he's going to be drama, drama, drama. He's worried he won't be good enough. I'm getting emotional.

"Sweet P." OH yes. Sweet P is in the house. Sweet P is kind of a hippie. Her name came from the period of her life when she was in an all-girl motorcycle club. She started a business two years ago, but now she's out of money, so that's why she's knocking at Bravo's door. She has two arms full of tattoos...one arm is "Sweet P" and the other is "Mean P." Clever.

Victorya. Self-proclaimed competitive over-achiever. Competitive over-achievers make for good reality TV, so I'm excited.

And those are our contestants! Time to go to Bryant Park to meet Heidi and Tim.

As always, Heidi looks smokin' hot, and Tim is as fabulous as ever. Tim announces that they have raised the bar even higher this year, but I think he has to say that. (Have you ever heard a reality host say, "This season isn't quite as good as last"? I think not.) Heidi throws in a blatant product placement deal by asking the group if they are settled in to their new apartments at "New Gotham, Gotham City's Luxury Apartment Building." "It's pretty nice, no?" I think I can see a cue card somewhere in the bushes. She cheerily asks if they enjoyed their champagne because...the party is over! (Cue scary Heidi face and music.)

Tim announces that the first project of this season will not be like years past where they made something out of unconventional items such as groceries or household items (who can forget Michael's surprisingly beautiful coffee filter dress?!). Tim points out three tents in the middle of Bryant Park and says that they will be making their outfits out of the tents. Chris, aka Mr. Posh Spice, states that they look like they're made out of "really, really cheap plastic fabric...?" and "was like, Oh God, I don't want to make something out of this cheap white fabric." Tim, reading Posh's mind, tells the contestants not to despair - the tents are made out of $50k worth of premium textiles. Aww snap! They have 10 minutes to run to the tents and get their fabric. Upon hearing this, Sweet P takes off her shoes. You go, girl!

As they run toward the tents, Creepy Elisa practically throws the sunflower at Heidi and says, "Happy birthday!" Aha. She's a total suck-up. Mystery solved. Officer Ricky states that he ran like a Mexican running for the border. This is either really funny because he's Mexican, or really un-PC. I'm going with the former. In the first dramatic moment of the season, both Kit and Kevin ran toward the plaid fabric in the middle. Perhaps they both wanted to make Catholic school girl uniforms? Anyhow, Kevin won. Poor Chris is left running through the field alone...It may have been the editing (what? they edit reality shows?), but it appears that everyone had already picked out whole bags of fabric by the time poor Chris made it to the tents. However, exactly what he wanted just happened to still be there. Likely story, but whatev. Officer Ricky tells us he was a total fabric whore. Way to start out on the right foot.

Creepy marionette-dressing, sunflower-toting Elisa decides to stain her silk chiffon fabric with grass in order to "imbue it with a natural element." She looks like a crazy person. A total nut job. Tim stood and stared at her like she was a lunatic, too. Pfew, I'm not the only one!

Once everyone has their fabric in hand, it's time to go to Parsons.

Tim welcomes the designers, mentions a few words of wisdom, and says "Make it work," at which point everyone erupts into laughter and clapping. Helloooo, as if you didn't already know that he was going to say that 20x an episode. Officer Ricky gets excited about his babydoll dress by saying "all right, all right, all right" and then tells us that he was a cheerleader in high school. "I was such a queen," he says. LOL. Kit Pistol asks if anyone knows what time it is as an enormous wall clock looms in the background. Creepy Elisa (who describes herself not as creepy but as "avant garde") decides to make a mythical gown. In a weird turn of events, we realize that Elisa sews the clothes on herself. Hmm...pretty sure Chloe never did that. I can't imagine Marc Jacobs doing that either. I can, however, imagine Elisa in a field with unicorns. Kevin tells her that her method is "spiritual;" Posh describes her as "rain goddess woman." Kit Pistol is worried that her own clothes are going to come off as bizarre and that the judges might be confused. Never a good sign.

Tim arrives. He first tells Mr. Clean that his dress is stunning. Moving on, Tim does not like Posh's jacket. Posh sassily replies while leaning back, "You want me to make a new jacket?" Good call, Posh. Be sassy with Tim freakin' Gunn. Simone has a lot to do...she's falling behind. Elisa made some crazy tight blue dress with a tail of shredded rainbow fabric. So far, it's the ugliest thing we've seen. 2 hours left...Tim leaves them to work with a "Carry on!" Elisa leaves behind him to sleep since her ugly dress is finished.

Judgment Day. We watch everyone get ready. We get to see Jack the Hottie's ripped abs. Creepy Elisa's doing yoga in the corner. They arrive at Parsons. Tim gives instructions for when the models arrive and points the contestants' attention to the Bluefly Accessories Wall. Please note that at this moment, I almost fell out of my bed in envy...a whole amazing wall of shoes and purses. Do you think I'm skinny enough to be a Project Runway model? No? Okay fine. The models arrive. Chris is relieved that his model is gorgeous...as opposed to the other professional models who are professional models because they are...average-looking? Creepy Elisa measures her model not with a measuring tape but with her hands. It's very awkward. The models go to hair and makeup. Some of the designers are doing last minute work, including Simone who is sowing the dress on to her model because she didn't have time to make a zipper. Creepy Elisa's dress is a disaster...her model can't walk. She considers trimming it but doesn't. Foreshadowing maybe?

Runway time. Heidi reminds us that in fashion, "one day you're in, and the next day you're out." She introduces us to our judges - Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and guest judge Monique Lhuillier. By the way, I love the judges on this show, all the time.

Creepy Elisa - Skin tight blue dress with crazy rainbow tail. Model gets tangled in dress. Michael Kors looks confused. Very bad.
Chris - Dark purple dress with floral details on top. He is pleased because it feels "high quality." I'm guessing the judges won't agree. It looks like a JC Penney prom dress to me.
Kevin - Short black and red party dress. His model looks angry and hunched over and has really long brown hair, all of which distract me from the dress.
Sweet P - A "happy" gold dress with red and turquoise details. I like this dress, although it's a bit bubbly in shape.
Simone - Gray, yellow and beige dress...the three most boring colors ever. It looks like she stapled it on her model...like something I could have made in an hour.
Jillian - Flouncy orange dress. Looks well-made to me, but what do I know. It's kind of like a walking cupcake though.
Christian/Posh - Tan and black plaid jacket. Punk British prep...like both him and Posh. Reminiscent of Jeffrey from last season, which would be a good sign.
Victorya - Black dress with huge metallic flower on the shoulder. Pretty but boring.
Rami/Mr. Clean - Gray toga-like dress. It too looks well-made and is actually really beautiful. I could imagine someone actually wearing this on a red carpet.
Officer Ricky - Short lingerie-like black and silver dress. I think they sell it at Charlotte Russe. No? Ok, Wet Seal then.
Jack the Hottie - Fabulous white and black dress with turquoise sash. I love this dress and would buy this in a store. Which of course means it will not win.
Marion - Goth-ish, uneven, lacy black dress.
Steven #16 - Black suit with a red scarf. The model looks like a flight attendant.
Carmen A - Crazy metallic jacket with chains and a bizarre bun on the side of her head. She affirms that there's no way she's going to get voted off.
Kit Pistol - Looks like a black floral sundress with some crazy red one-shoulder thing on top. I don't get it.

Preliminary results. The six contestants that are called out - the three highest and lowest - are Elisa, Simone, Christian, Victorya, Rami, and Ricky. I'm guessing Christian, Victorya and Rami are the top three, Elisa, Simone and Ricky are bottom three. My prediction is that Rami will win and Simone will go.

Update: So far my top and bottom three are correct. I'll keep you posted. (Duh.)

Judges' deliberation. Uneventful except for Heidi saying Elisa's model looked like she was pooing fabric.

Final results. Rami/Mr. Clean wins, and Simone is out. Ladies and gentlemen, I know my Project Runway.

Until next time...auf wiedersehen!

This is a Love-bound 5 train, next stop, Bowling Green.

I read the following article in the New York Post earlier this week:

"Subway Love at 1st Site"

Brief synopsis, in case you don't feel mentally prepared to read the hard journalism of the New York Post - Patrick, a 21-year old web designer from Brooklyn, "shared a moment" with a girl on the 5 train. He was too nervous to talk to her on the train, though, so he let her slip through his fingers. After they parted ways, Patrick decided he had to find this girl...so he created the following website:

NY Girl of My Dreams



Assuming this guy is what he says he is (ie, not a crazy stalker), how adorable is this? Talk about a grand romantic gesture. In New York, romance is often limited to whether a guy lets the door slam in your face or if he gives it a slight tap so it softly closes in your face. But websites and drawings and love at first sight? Unheard of!

Fortunately for the romantic in me, the website worked, per the New York Post the next day:

"Subway Love an Express Success"

Apparently a friend of the girl with fancy braided hair recognized the drawing. The friend texted Patrick a picture of the girl, Camille, and said "Is this your dream girl?"...and it was. Amazing!

Thanks to Diane Sawyer, I learned that Patrick and Camille met up for coffee and hit it off. The coolest part of the story to me, though (aside from the whole drawing on a website thing) is that Camille had just had an apartment fire. Because of the fire, she was staying with a friend in Battery Park City, which is why she was riding on the 5 train on Sunday night. What a lovely reminder that even the worst, most disappointing things in life can turn into something romantic and beautiful...even on the 5 train in New York.

David Duchovny, why won't you love me?

I'm on a roll! Not only did I see Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney a few weeks ago, but yesterday, while walking in my neighborhood, I saw David Duchovny and Tea Leoni. They were crossing 2nd Ave at 81st St and were looking very Saturday-grunge...David in a long-sleeved t-shirt and puffy vest, and Tea in a hooded sweatshirt and messy ponytail.

Since the last six months of my life have been consumed with marketing David's current show on Showtime, I felt a connection with him immediately. I think he felt it, too. I almost confirmed our bond by saying, "Hey, you know that huge billboard in Times Square with your face on it? I put it there!"...but I froze. Love will do that to you, you know. I did, however, follow David and Tea for an entire avenue block before deciding that I was displaying stalker-like tendencies and turning around.




And now, courtesy of Bree Sharp...

"It's Sunday night; I am curled up in my room
The TV light fills my heart like a balloon
I hold it in as best I can
I know I'm just another fan
But I can't help feeling I could love this secret agent man
And I can't...

Wait any more for him to discover me
I got it bad for David Duchovny
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?

My friends all tell me,
'Girl, you know it's just a show,'
But deep within his eyes
I see me wrapped up like a bow
Watching the sky for a sign
The FBI is on my mind
I'm waiting for the day
When my lucky stars align
In the form of...

David Duchovny floating above me
In the alien light of the spaceship of love, I need
David Duchovny hovering above me
American Heathcliff, brooding and comely
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?

So smooth and so smart
He's abducted my heart
And I'm falling apart
From the looks I receive
From those eyes I can't leave
And you may say I'm naive
But he told me to believe...

Ooooooooo....

My bags are packed, I am ready for my flight
Want to put an end to my daydream days and sleepless nights
Sitting like a mindless clone
Wishing he would tap my phone
Just to hear the breath of the man, the myth, the monotone
And I would say...

David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?
David Duchovny I want you to love me
To kiss and to hug me, debrief and debug me
David Duchovny I know you could love me
I'm sweet and I'm cuddly - I'm gonna kill Scully!
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?"