Awkward Turtle

So I have a problem: I have no regard for the personal space of others. And I'm awkward about it. Particularly on the subway. And even more particularly as it relates to reading their reading materials.

People read other people's reading materials on the subway all the time (I think). It is common practice to sneak a glance at what's happening with Iran or Bloomberg or Miley off of your neighbor's New York Times, Metro or US Weekly. Sometimes, you get lucky and they have it opened as a spread instead of folded... they're practically begging you to read what's spilled into your hula hoop space. Or, if they're holding their paper up and you're sitting across from them, you can read the B Side with ease.

Or at least that's what normal people do.

I, on the other hand, have a problem - the aforementioned issue of disregarding the personal space of others and being awkward about it. See, when I'm reading someone else's paper or magazine (or, I won't lie, book, iPhone, Kindle, Blackberry, t-shirt, or whatever else they may have in their posession that I can get my eyes on), THE WHOLE TRAIN KNOWS IT. I gawk. I lean over. I squint. I nod. I laugh. All of which are totally inappropriate and kind of freaky. And make me a total awkward turtle.

Then, taking it to a whole new level, I will comment. Not to myself, and not (usually) to the reader in question, but to whomever I may be traveling with. Enter second problem: I talk really loudly. Really, awkwardly loudly. I don't mean to, but I just do. So imagine how the scene goes: A friend and I are riding the downtown 1 train, I awkwardly read over someone's shoulder to find out that Kevin Jonas got engaged, an article that the person holding the newspaper is inevitably reading at the exact same time. Then I look to my friend and loudly say, "Did you know Kevin Jonas got engaged?," at which point the person whose personal space I have invaded looks up and realizes that we both read the same thing at the same time, but I am not holding any type of newspaper whatsoever, and they realize that I actually just read it off their page and commented about it. And then they think to themselves, "That girl has no regard for my personal space. And is kind of an awkward turtle."


p.s. Don't even get me started on the other awkward ways I disregard people's personal space, including but not limited to: asking to try on strangers' engagement rings, eating off anyone and everyone's plate if I want to try their food, freely petting someone's purse if I'm curious of the texture, etc, etc etc...

p.p.s. I can't help it, it's just the way I am. :)